Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating
We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it.
But do you really KNOW how to interpret the non-verbal messages that other people broadcast on a continual basis in their interactions with you? There are two levels of communication that occur in any interaction:
Content refers to what we SAY. Process refers to EVERYTHING ELSE that occurs.
Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another.
No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.
The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.
1. Good eye contact/ poor eye contact
When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking? When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity. Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.
Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation. What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else. This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.
3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room? This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you. It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn't been completely honest/ candid with you.
4. Is noticeably quiet Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes. If your date has little to say to you what does this mean? Maybe they are just not very interested in you. Perhaps they don't think you would care to hear what they have to say. Maybe they think you wouldn't appreciate hearing what they are really thinking. Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood. Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.
5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture
You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations. You fold your arms tightly across your chest. You stiffen your spine You tightly cross your legs. You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing You lean away from the person you are with
Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good. You lean forward Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person You face the other person directly Your posture is relaxed and at ease
It's fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture. The other person feels uncomfortable They aren't open to the interaction with you They would rather not be there
If this is a first date, it will probably be the last.
6. Physical Contact
Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch. If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure. He may also be shy, but you would already know that.
If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don't say.
Other (non-verbal) expressions that you should listen to that can suddenly occur during the course of a dating relationship are: Calling less or not calling Change in voice tone Becoming busy and not having time to get together Lateness Missing dates without calling or having a plausible excuse Moodiness- irritation/impatience/anger outbursts
If your date or boyfriend/girlfriend sends you any of the above (negative) signals, the best way to handle it is to comment in a direct (and gentle) way about it. Then watch for what he/she DOES while you listen to their response. This will give you all the information you need.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
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Dating at first is fun but as it goes on it's easy to fall into a rut. You always go out to dinner or a movie or stay home and rent videos but you are feeling kind of bored.
Single Sites Are A Great Tool To Network And Develop Fun And Spontaneous Relationships Online
If you're tired of the boring and repetitive local dating scenes, then you should consider trying single sites to meet people with your interests alike!Where else can you find a significant number of people who are fun spirited, extremely spontaneous, and just don't want to be involved in a serious relationship as a single person?However, you may be tired of the same old bar and pub scene, so with access to singles dating online, you have a new avenue to meet some new and interesting people!Now keep in mind that online dating sites may be interpreted differently compared to personals sites, and you may have to check each one out to make sure they're right for your needs. Dating personals cater more to the individual that enjoys using the profiles, and chat features to talk to a variety of people at one time.
Life isnt Sex and the City
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and the City episode, in which Charlotte, in her never-ending quest to find true love, attends a seminar to teach her how to do just that.She drags Carrie along, who scoffs at the whole thing.
The Joy Of Dating Again: Self-Empowering Keys
For some, the idea of dating again can be intimidating or even scary. For others, it means an experience full of expectations and adventures.
Six Things Every Christian Single Should Know Before Dating Online (Part Two)
In part one, we looked at the importance of remaining anonymous, why you should always ask for a picture of your online dating prospect, and how the Holy Spirit can lead and guide your efforts.In this final segment, we'll talk about the dos and don'ts of making phone contact as well as the all-important first date.
Why I Prefer Online Dating
The next most likely place to meet your match is the place where you regularly hang out. However, if your idea of socializing is hanging out at the local pub or bar with a couple of buddies, choices are pretty much limited and you'd be competing with all the guys for the limited number of girls.
E-Love at Easter! Part One
Kiki sat on the park bench, staring ruefully at the passers by. Last night's row with Tolu was the cause of her blues.
Six Things Every Christian Single Should Know Before Dating Online (Part One)
Years ago, online dating had a reputation that was less than desirable. But today, that stigma is quickly passing.
How to Get More Responses at Online Dating Sites
So, you've decided to join a dating website. You're hoping someone out there will find something interesting about you and try to get to know you better.
Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating
We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it.
Online Dating Safety
Online dating safety warning signs.Online dating is a brilliant and increasingly popular way to meet new people whether to for friendships or take it that step further but you should always do your utmost to ensure your online dating safety.
Meeting Women: Surefire Spots To Get Dates
The first thing I want to do immediately is to give you a CONCRETE, STEP BY STEP PLAN that you can immediately use to go out right now and start meeting more women.Now, most guys have it all wrong when it comes to meeting women.
Dating Tips: The First Impression Matters
Ever had a love at first sight encounter? Totally captured by her beauty the first time you laid your eyes on her? Having sleepless nights thinking about her? That first impression she left with you was sure astonishing wasn't it?The first impression you give plays a very important part in the blooming of a love relationship. It determines the ever possibility of a development of the relationship.
Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles
Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat. Of course, in order to fully experience this you may need to re-order some priorities and make time for yourself and your own personal needs.
Online Dating - Needle in a Haystack?
No doubt about it, Internet dating has become a unique part of modern love. In fact, in New York, Internet dating has become so popular that it is now simply called 'partner shopping' or 'hyper dating'.
If You Want A Date, Promote Yourself!
How to find a date? Promote yourself! That's one of the key you should consider. It sounds too planned, too contrived, right? You probably wonder whereas the romance; where are all the rainbows, fireworks and stars?Probably that is what you have in mind when advised to put on a personal ad in different kind of publications.
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