Grief & Loss Information

Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother's Day After Miscarriage

Are you spending this Mother's Day wondering if you are, in fact, a mother? 900,000-1 million women in the U.S. alone face this question every year after suffering pregnancy loss. "For women who experience a miscarriage during their first pregnancy, the question of motherhood is an even greater one," says Lisa Church of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to the support of women and their families facing pregnancy loss.

Mother's Day is the most difficult holiday a woman must face after pregnancy loss. A time that was supposed to be a celebration of a new life and a new motherhood becomes a time of sadness and grief. Church's book, Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death, encourages women to use the holiday to remember their babies, rather than making it a dreaded event to endure each year. "Nothing will lesson the pain of Mother's Day, but with some planning you can make sure the day has meaning for you," says Church. Here are some tips from the book that can help:

- You Are a Mother.

The best gift you can give yourself on Mother's Day is the acknowledgement that you are a mother. You may not have a baby to hold in your arms, but you do have one in your heart.

- Let Your Family Know What You Need.

If you feel uncomfortable being recognized as a mother at a banquet or other function, substitute an activity you would feel good about. If you would rather not receive or wear a flower, then wear an item that helps you to connect with your baby, such as a piece of jewelry that includes the baby's birthstone.

- Remember Your Baby.

Mother's Day can be a great time for a husband and wife to talk about their baby and what the baby meant to them. Take a walk, have a quiet dinner, or just set aside some time to remember your baby together.

- Decide Ahead of Time.

The way you chose to spend Mother's Day should be your decision- and one you make ahead of time. Setting time aside to remember and talk about your baby will make you "feel" more like a mom on the very day designed to do that. Church also reminds women that their spouses may experience similar feelings on Father's Day, "so be sure to ask how he would like to spend the day."

Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death is available online at, and Barnes& or by calling HopeXchange Publishing at 757-826-2162.

Lisa Church is author of "Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death and founder of HopeXchange, a company dedicated to helping women and their families facing miscarriage.

To find miscarriage support and sign up for her FREE, monthly newsletter visit

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