Humor Information


Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant


Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.

Alaska Zoo officials debated this past year about whether to keep Maggie. She has been the only elephant in the zoo since 1997 when her companion of 14 years, Annabelle, died. Some experts believe that in order to be healthy and happy a zoo elephant should be part of a small herd of 3 or more.

The Zoo's elephant committee decided that the risks of moving Maggie out of state and of totally changing her life were too great. Besides, she seems happy here and she has a familiar "herd" in Alaska already. Numerous Zoo officials, animal handlers and exercisers, and familiar frequent visitors spend many hours a day with her.

In order to increase Maggie's comfort and health, zoo officials decided to give Maggie's living quarters softer flooring and better ventilation. Zoo staff will also increase the number of hours that they spend with Maggie from 8 hours daily to 12 to 16 hours daily.

Finally, the Zoo will help Maggie get more year-round exercise and lose weight. They will purchase an elephant-sized treadmill. However, nobody has ever designed or built an elephant treadmill. Designs are being developed now, but if you have any good ideas bring them forward.

Then stand in line behind me to watch Maggie work out on her new treadmill.

Can you imagine the elephant-sized headphones and iPod that she'll need?

*****************************

Garry Gamber is a public school teacher and entrepreneur. He writes articles about real estate, health and nutrition, and internet dating services. He is the owner of http://www.Anchorage-Homes.com and http://www.TheDatingAdvisor.com.


MORE RESOURCES:
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news


Arizona Daily Star

Humor rules when it comes to Erma Bombeck
Arizona Daily Star
Bombeck, who lived in Paradise Valley, wrote a humor column about family from the mid-1960s to shortly before her death in 1996. She is the subject of Arizona Theatre Company's “Erma Bombeck: At Wit's End,” which opens in previews Saturday, Oct. 20.



STLtoday.com

Waterloo police bring purr-fect sense of humor in lip-sync video
STLtoday.com
Check. Wide-angle overhead shots of officers, mascots and community members? Check. A Michael Jackson song? Check. While the lip-syncing and dancing probably won't win any awards, the infectious self-deprecating humor throughout is so good it's ...



Boing Boing (blog)

Printer refuses humor magazine because "Christian owners" want to protect "the kids"
Boing Boing (blog)
Solderer writes, "Old-school humor Magazine The American Bystander was dropped by its printer, citing prurient content (i.e. humor). Publisher Michael Gerber describes the ongoing situation in terms that would doubtless please Benjamin 'Fart Proudly' ...



The Biggest Cosmic Joke: Keeping Your Sense of Humor During Cancer
Curetoday.com
Despite being diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma, a cancer of the bile duct, Maria Falzone, a safe sex speaker and comedienne, maintains her sense of humor. "It's just who I am," she said in an interview with CURE, where she brought her pet chihuahua ...



Aspen Times

Sean Beckwith: If a columnist writes humor in election season, will anybody read it?
Aspen Times
I took a creative nonfiction writing class in college that featured the kind of introspective people you'd expect in a creative nonfiction class. The essays often, if ever, varied from harrowing heartbreaks. The struggles of adolescence, mother ...



Crunchyroll News

Killer Interest: Shonen-style Horror and Humor in Zombie Loan
Crunchyroll News
Humorous and horrifying, creepy and cute, Zombie Loan is a good match for fans who are in the mood for something a little different for the Halloween season and also who don't mind a cliff-hanger ending that encourages viewers to check out the manga ...



Thurber House announces 2018 finalists for humor prize
MyMotherLode.com
COLUMBUS, Ohio — An Ohio-based nonprofit named for humorist James Thurber has announced the finalists for the country's top humor writing prize. Thurber House, the boyhood home of Thurber, serves as a literary center and museum in Columbus.

and more »


Pleasanton Weekly

Firehouse comedy: Heartbreak and humor of divorce and dating
Pleasanton Weekly
Anne Marie Scheffler shares insights of her "MILF Life Crisis" in a comedy show that explores the new kind of relationships she observed when newly divorced with kids, at 8 p.m. this Saturday at the Firehouse Arts Center. Scheffler, a Second City ...



The Aggie

Humor: Help: There's a spider in my bathtub, this is one BIG BOY
The Aggie
Please come help NOW. Oh SHIT this guy is big…Where did I put that fly swatter….F***….Why did God make spiders this big….Where is the fly swatter! There's a gallon of gasoline on the patio….Why the f*** do I have a gallon of gasoline on the patio?



The Verge

In DC Universe's Titans, the humor is the big surprise
The Verge
Batman and Superman have had such a pervasive presence in American popular culture that plenty of people who've never read a comic book know their pertinent biographical details: the murdered parents, the exploding planet, the Batmobile, Kryptonite, ...

and more »

Google News

home | site map
© 2007