A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you're Amber and Terry, you're going to do NOTHING about it. Ain't nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I'm sayin'? If you're NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you're smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin' shut up once in a while, here's what you need to know?
Why is your dog barking?
I'll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets me some attention. I'm all about the attention. Now, you coulda probably guessed about the attention thing, but the fact that we actually ENJOY it? Who knew?
It's true, though. Sometimes I just get a kick out of it. It's like, I start barking because I'm excited, and then after a while I'm all, "hey! This totally rocks!" So I bark some more. And then some more after that. Then I finish up with a quick round of barking. Sometimes I come back for an encore. The truth is, by this time, like Justin Timberlake, I'm lovin' it. So, how're you gonna stop me? (Clue: you're not. You'll NEVER stop the Rubinman. But you know what I mean.)
Well, if you want to stop a dog that's barking just for the hell of it, you're gonna hafta get clever. Cleverer than Amber and Terry. Whatever you do, DON'T shout at me. You want to know what I think when you shout at me while I'm barking? I think, "Coooool! They're totally barking with me! This SO rocks!" Ha! Amateurs!
No, what you need to do is, you need to distract me. You could play with me. You could feed me. (Actually, you should totally feed me. That's the best thing to do. End of article.) But it's better if you TRAIN me. Uh-huh. TRAIN ME.
Now, I know what y'all are thinking. You're all, "But the Rubinman is cleverer than me! I'd NEVER train him!" Well, you're right. You totally wouldn't. But if you have a NORMAL dog, you can train it. Mebbe.
I am what's called "clicker trained." Clicker training is when you, like, get this CLICKY thing and get your dog to believe that if the thing clicks, something good happens. Could be a goodboy. Could be a big cuddle. (Note: the Rubinman is NOT a sissy. But a cuddle can be nice). Could be playing with your toys. Whatever it is, it's GOOD. The clicker is power, and once ya got power over the dog, you're the boss of it.* If you're REALLY clever, you can teach your mutt to bark on command, and then stop barking on command too, using the clicker. That's probably too advanced for you lot, though, so?
Understand why YOUR dog is barking
So, yeah, now you know why the Rubinman barks. It's important to know why YOUR dog barks, though. Here are some possible reasons:
∑ He is bored. ∑ He is scared. (I mean, I'm NEVER scared, but then I WAS raised by wolves?) ∑ He is lonely. ∑ He has seen the postman. ∑ Little Timmy is stuck down a well and your dog wants to lead you to that well, rescue little Timmy and get a reward. I'll tell ya, that happens to me a LOT.
Soooooo many reasons for barking there. First thing you need to do is, you need to find out which reason is the right one. I'll be honest here: it's probably the postman.
A word about the postman
Most so-called "exerts" will tell you that your dog barks when he sees the postman because the postman is intruding on your property and the dog can't tell the difference between "friend" and "foe." What a lot of crap experts talk, no? If I talked crap like that, man, I'd be ashamed to call myself the Rubinman, I really would.
As any dog will tell you, we bark at the postman because we hate that sucker. In the wild, postmen are our natural enemies. Walking up our driveway day after day. Stuffing things through our door. Ringing the bell. I mean, honestly, do YOU think that's acceptable behaviour?
Stopping the barking
You ain't never gonna stop the "me against the postman" mentality. All you can do, really, is bribe your dog to stay quiet. Remember: we have no morals. (I mean, we sniff other dog's butts IN THE STREET, do we look like we'd turn up our noses at a spot of bribery?) We won't be offended if you bribe us.
Now, I'm not saying you should always bribe us with chocolate goodboys. (I totally AM saying that, by the way). I'm just saying the best way to get us to behave is to reward us handsomely when we behave ourselves. Goodboys. Cuddles. Rubbing our furry bellies. Do this and we will stop barking. Mebbe.
* Amber and Terry, obviously, are NOT the boss of me, though. No one's the boss of me.
Rubin is a wolf in Bichon Frise's clothing. Read his blog, the Dog's Diary
Rubin's owner, Amber, is a freelance writer. Visit Amber's website Hot Igloo Copywriting
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
The reviews are in: 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi' blends humor, action and emotion for a worthy trip to the galaxy far ... - The Spokesman-Review
The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1
Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think of what is commonly referred to as "Show-biz," don't you? But where can you go to see the best acting money can buy, any day of the week? No, I'm not talking about the theatre or TV. I'm talking about the "Restaurant-biz.
Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems
In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary. The town's dog poo is under attack.
The Spare Parts Gremlins
Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does.
Psychiatric Psychiatrist - A Joke on Psychiatry
A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.We talked about how I was feeling.
Humans are like Monkeys
Humans think much like monkeys and other primates, not much different in their abilities to reason. Why is this? We mimic, copy, imitate that which we see.
Internet is My True Agent
You know the type -- that doodling type. Every time there is a pen and paper on the table, they will be sketching something down, with a mysterious smile, giggling quietly and making funny faces.
3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately.
Fried Green Tomatoes Recipe
My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard. Let me rephrase.
Space, and the Room for It
Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone's legs.
And the World Goes Round
If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anchorage, Alaska, just opened its first two roundabouts at a major intersection.
A French Teachers Memories: First Day at School
Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state secondary schools, and my requests, I had been appointed to teach to a sixth-grade class. At least, I almost worked in my backyard.
Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato
Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer.
Cant Get There From Here
Can't Get There From Here † Juneau is the capital of Alaska, but did you know that you cannot drive there from anywhere? † You can fly into Juneau or you can take a ferry to Juneau, but you can't actually drive there.† There are no roads into Juneau.
Its All About Seeing the Signs
Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some time now, but that doesn't stop the rest of us from doing so. In fact, on a regular basis, I see a lot of signs - and I don't like most of them.
The Worlds First Comedian?
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. That's because he appeared around 400 B.
Health Club Regulars -- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym
One of the great benefits of belonging to a health club is the huge variety of exercise equipment that's available. It's also a great place to meet and observe a wide cross section of society.
Nine Movies That Make You Want To Yell, Stop Saying That
Movie moments are nice things to share with the people you care about. Most of those shared moments consist of "Remember that one part when the guy with the thing?" and before they can finish you're interjecting with your own vague, "Oh totally, I love that part!" But occasionally this process extends beyond an inner circle and goes global in its reach.
The Work-from-home Fashion Primer
Last week, I reported how writers, stay-at-home parents and online marketing geeks had chosen careers as hermits:http://www.thehappyguy.
A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.Q: What is the legal definition of "Appeal"?A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
If, An Online Marketers Internet Addiction Poem, Can You Relate to This?
IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned on the coffee, or got your kids fed, If you are the last one dressed and ready to leave the house, While others in the family get ready, your still moving a mouse.If you have more friends online, than you do in real life, And hubby refers to you as his cyber wife.
|home | site map|