Parenting Information


Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting


I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.

At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.

Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.

I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.

Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.

It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"

Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.

Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.

Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."

I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.

I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.

The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.

The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.

Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.

Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com


MORE RESOURCES:
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news


New Vision

Parenting: Changing schools affects children
New Vision
Research shows that changing children's schools more than three times before the age of eight years can affect them negatively. Children 703x422. Children concentrate better when they bond with their friends. Third term is coming to an end and many ...



WBIR-TV

wbir.com | Parenting 101: Moms on Call method for getting baby to ...
WBIR-TV
Getting your precious baby to sleep is one of the biggest challenges of being a new parent. In this edition of Parenting 101, we examine a method that is becoming more popular with a goal of getting your baby to sleep 10 hours by 10 weeks. Author: Abby ...

and more »


Washington Post

Mommy moves: Parody of Cardi B's 'Bodak Yellow' captures reality of parenting
Washington Post
Take the coolest person you know and add a few kids. Fast forward a few years and watch the trappings of their gilded child-free life give way to bath toys, playground tumbles and diapers. Lots of diapers. Parenting changes us, and Cali Daniels is here ...

and more »


The Village Green

The Parenting Center Seeks Toys for the 2017 Holiday Toy Drive
The Village Green
This holiday season we will provide gifts to nearly 500 children in need throughout our SOMSD community. Please bring new, unwrapped gifts and toys for babies through teenagers to one of our drop-off boxes located in schools and businesses in our towns ...

and more »


PEOPLE.com

Kristen Bell Explains 'Tag Team' Parenting with Dax Shepard: 'We Switch Kids All the Time'
PEOPLE.com
With two young daughters at home, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have worked out the perfect parenting tactic: the “tag team.” “We switch kids all the time,” the Frozen actress tells reporters of her children Lincoln, 4, and Delta, 2, at Alliance of Moms ...
The Reason Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard Do "Tag Team" Parenting Is ...Romper
Kristen Bell Opens Up About 'Tag Team' Parenting Style With Dax ...International Business Times

all 9 news articles »


CNN

Three questions, from Tolstoy, for mindful parenting - CNN - CNN.com
CNN
What is the most important thing to be doing at any given time? The Russian writer has an answer, and it's about how you parent.

and more »


The Good Men Project (blog)

5 Points Parenting Experts Agree Make Talking To Kids More Effective
The Good Men Project (blog)
5 Points Parenting Experts Agree Make Talking To Kids More Effective. The good news is that parent-child conversations don't have to be laden with misunderstandings. November 22, 2017 by Tyler Jacobson Leave a Comment. 0shares; 0. Embed from Getty ...



Washington Post

Special needs parenting in Morocco
Washington Post
MOROCCO — The night before my son started kindergarten in Morocco, I woke up in a panic. In the morning, my 5½-year-old, who is autistic, would go to school in a language he did not understand. My son had only started speaking about a year and a half ...



Parenting in a Harvey Weinstein World
HuffPost
My 6-year-old cut her hair today. Twice. Once alone, in the basement, and very much as a secret. And once in the bathroom with me. Helping her...to cut her own hair. And it's because of assholes like Harvey Weinstein. And other instigators of fear ...



I, Anonymous: Your Manicure Looks Great, but Your Parenting Skills Suck
TheStranger.com
At the salon, my nails are slowly drying. You are sitting next to me, and your 3-year-old daughter is sitting two chairs away. This tells me you're a "hands off" parent, who prefers to use words that don't mean shit to a tiny person. She's playing with ...


Google News

home | site map
© 2007