Relationships Information


The Sting


Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28, 2004

Two days ago, purely by accident, I found out my husband was a member of an online sex and swinger service. I unintentionally opened his e-mail, thinking the computer was logged on to my name, not his. After a minute or two of deliberation, I used the password to log on to the site to see what he was doing. I almost threw up when I read his profile and found he was actively seeking women and couples for extramarital sex.

Yesterday, I became a member of the site, set up a fake profile, and contacted him. I think I was hoping he signed up as some kind of joke at work to see who would get the most replies or something. Today I got his reply. He wants to get to know me better and see pictures.

I am going to play this out and see how far he takes this, but I already feel betrayed and cheated on, even though it is with me! We've been together for eight years, married for six, and have two very young children. I never even thought of him cheating on me before this.

Olivia

Olivia, contacting other people for sex is not a lark. Your husband is doing something covert which may end your marriage.

If you confront him with the thin evidence you have now, he will tell you this is the very first time he did this, he is sorry, and he doesn't know why he did it. Our response is, perhaps he doesn't know why he gets in the car and drives to work, either.

Now your husband is thinking about this "new" person. He is hoping she e-mails pictures. He is thinking about how he will conceal her from you. He is plotting it out in his mind.

Don't expect to ever know the truth from him. The truth is of no advantage to him. In the many letters we receive, the betrayed party feels they never learned the entire truth.

If you pursue your quest for information, you will want to know several things. How long has he been doing this? How many partners has he had? What kind of precautions has he taken, if any? What does he tell others about you and your relationship?

At some point you will tell your husband what you know. The more you know, the fewer excuses he can offer. He may fall back on the betrayer's standard excuse: it's your fault.

We don't allow for that. You don't cheat. If you have problems, you talk to your spouse. If you are going to get involved with another person, you end your marriage first. Anything less permanently destroys trust in the marriage.

Wayne & Tamara

Jumping The Gun

My husband and I used to work for the same company, which is how we met. A group of us from work played on a dart league. I had no interest in him other than friendship. My relationship eventually ended, and his marriage was ending. I was not the cause of his divorce. A year before I came along, he told his wife all he was to her was a paycheck.

This woman tells their children I am the tart who broke up their marriage. Will she ever take responsibility for the problems in their marriage that caused the breakup? It takes two, and I wasn't one of them.

Bianca

Bianca, when the police fail to read a suspect his rights, the verdict may be thrown out on this technicality. Your husband got involved with you before his divorce was final. That allows his ex-wife to say, "It was the other woman." Your husband committed a procedural error, and she's decided to argue the technicality.

If you had waited until his divorce was final, things would be different for all involved. History can't be undone. That's the problem.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.


MORE RESOURCES:
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news


Omaha World-Herald

Ask Amy: I talked to my daughter about puberty, sex and relationships. Now her teacher is mad
Omaha World-Herald
Dear Amy: I am a physician and a widower. Most importantly, I'm the father of a brilliant and deeply inquisitive 12-year-old girl. I have raised my daughter (by myself) since she was 6 months old. We are very close. I noticed signs that she would soon ...



thejournal.ie

'Setting guidelines around relationships at work is a wise and obvious next step for employers'
thejournal.ie
RECENTLY, BRIAN KYRZANICH, CEO of Intel resigned because of a previous fully consensual relationship with a coworker. The affair contravened Intel's non-fraternisation policy that applied to all managers. The questions arise swiftly in the media. Is ...



Moneyish

This is how Venmo is ruining relationships
Moneyish
With all the convenience and ease of paying someone back with Venmo, a new series of studies shows that the cash-transferring app might be doing more harm than good to our relationships: People are charging their friends and significant others the ...



Local Group Helps Children Recognize, Develop Healthy Relationships
Kfiz
Local organizations are working with kids of all ages to teach them what healthy relationships look like. ASTOP – a local group that works with domestic abuse and sexual assault victims – also works to educate children about how to treat others ...



Telegraph.co.uk

Neil Morrissey: 'There was a rocky road in terms of relationships for a while'
Telegraph.co.uk
We asked the actor, 56, what his younger self would make of him today... A big element of my childhood was when I was taken into care, aged 10. It's never pleasant taking a child away from their family, but my parents weren't the best, in terms of ...



Dealing With Financial Tensions in Relationships
Morningstar.com
That's why the conflicts that arise when adding a person to this mix are not surprising. In any financial decision, when there are two people involved, each person's emotional relationships with money must be considered, and this can lead to some ...



AsiaOne

Why good women stay in bad relationships, Women News - AsiaOne
AsiaOne
Tristan Thompson cheated while she was pregnant, but Khloe Kardashian still gave him a second chance. Footballer Ashley Cole cheated multiple times, but his ...

and more »


Person to Person: How crime can affect your relationships
Bristol Herald Courier (press release) (blog)
Do you have worries about criminals in or near your child's school, your neighborhood or in your workplace? Having a criminal to deal with is no small issue. Someone breaking the law can easily destroy your family, your job and the neighborhood you've ...



Washington Post

Trump's tough words for Merkel and May raise questions about his relationships with female leaders
Washington Post
President Trump has spent much of his trip to Europe this week lashing out at two of the most powerful women in the world. The barrages aimed at British Prime Minister Theresa May and German Chancellor Angela Merkel prompted diplomats on both sides ...
Special relationship? Trump and May's is almost pathologicalThe Guardian

all 4,386 news articles »


Phys.Org

The surprising impact happiness has on health, relationships and even the economy
Phys.Org
Incorporating exercise, talk therapy, sleep, meditation, diet and meaningful social relationships into our lives can modify brain chemistry and trigger good spirits naturally. Even stress can make us happy in limited doses, says Saxbe, who studies ...


Google News

home | site map
© 2007