Hunter and Gatherer
Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would like to believe. Like the caveman, we still want to curl up next to someone during the dark of night so that we aren't so alone in the cold survival game. We want to feel safe, warm, and loved inside and out. It's hardwired into our brains. We travel in packs and we care for our young for a very long time. We need a mate to travel with, someone to love, someone to cheer when we win the battles against vicious animals, someone to guard the cave when we need to lick our wounds from the battles we lost. It's not about being needy or codependent, it's about a need for connection, partnership, usefulness, and co-creation. It's the way humans were designed.
The male is designed to hunt and protect. He is built bigger and stronger because it's his job to protect those he loves and to provide the meat. He has an unmistakable need to stalk and outsmart his prey. He needs to physically move with speed and agility in order to actively conquer the object of his focus. His mind is designed for cunning and for calmness in battle. His life and the lives of his loved ones depends on his ability to be strong, smart, and stable. He approaches his relationships the same way. It's only natural that he's going to use those skills which are so finely tuned and perfected. He must pursue that which he wants. The game of pursuit is his secret delight. He loves the challenge of the chase. It makes him feel alive, the life force flows through him as he scores that first smile, the first kiss.
The female is designed to gather and nurture. She is built with an eye for the smallest detail and the ability to verbalize. It's her job to gather the nuts, fruits, vegetables, firewood, and to herd the children. She has to be able to recognize the poison foods from the nutritious. She must recognize and gather the healing herbs in order to help her loved ones survive their various ailments. The family's mortality rate is in her hands. She has to watch over them with a critical eye for detail watching for the first signs of fever and sickness. If she can catch it early, her chances of saving them is higher. She uses language to keep tabs on where the children and other women are so that none are lost while foraging for the berries and such. She uses language and her magnetism to keep her loved ones near so that she can watch over them. She draws her man in the same way. If she can't pull him into her nest, then how will she be able to look after him?
So how does that all play out now in modern times? Well, he doesn't have an outlet for his athletic and cunning. He hunts and battles vicariously through the television remote control. He is lost in a suit and tie world. He creates war and battle without realizing it because he has to feel that he's protecting his loved ones from an enemy. He still tends to 'conquer' his woman. She doesn't know the healing arts anymore and uses her words and keen eye to nitpick and tear down her loved ones. She overspends at the mall in order to touch that part of herself that needs to gather supplies for her family. She creates illness and scarcity so that she has an excuse to heal and gather things close to her again. She manipulates her man into marriage. Neither one knows what it is they're doing on a subconscious level to create the situations needed so that they can live out their roles.
What can we do about it? We need to acknowledge who and what we are. Quit lying to ourselves and pretending that we're civilized and enlightened. We are just cavemen with technology, laws, and manners. The core of our biological programming hasn't changed all that much. We're still afraid of the dark and in awe of the moon. The forces of Mother Nature and her seasons is still beyond our full comprehension. We still need each other. Most importantly we need to feel at one with ourselves. We need to rectify the world we live in today with our biological skills, drives, and motivations. We need to feel useful and that our lives have meaning and purpose. Men need to find a constructive way to hunt and protect. Women need to find a healthy way to gather and nurture. Stop arguing over things like equality and whether or not we can do each other's jobs. It's not important. Everyone can do everything, but that doesn't mean that's where our natural gifts and talents lie and it doesn't mean that what we choose to do is in alignment with who we really are. Move beyond stereotypes and into the core of what the human animal really needs in order to thrive not just survive.
We can start by finding an outlet for our core instinctual drives. He doesn't like being manipulated and nagged at anymore then she likes being conquered and dominated. Sure there needs to be a bit of these things in the initial courtship. He needs the challenge of using his physique, his cunning mind, and his abilities as a provider to win the girl. She needs to know that she can magnetically attract him to her side and that he'll keep her safe from the bad guys. The strong relationships are the ones were the man keeps on impressing the woman with his cunning and ability to provide for the family's needs. Likewise, the strong relationships include a woman who knows how to magnetize her man and how to nurture her family. Our relationships improve when we learn to use our gifts for something more constructive then just tearing each other apart.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
How Trump's relationships with Graham, Corker have evolved during first year of presidency - ABC News
Why Are Toxic Relationships So Hard To End? New Research Shows The Problem Isn't You, It's Them - Bustle
Single in a Couples World
Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever this year.
Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style
We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling angry and acting like a raging, out-of-control child during moments of anger are two very different things. And when anger "crosses the line" in the context of an intimate relationship, it can cause extensive-and sometimes even irreparable-discord and damage.
Thick Slice, Or Thin?
Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle "The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" gives some clue to its thesis.
The First Ninety Days
A friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and the huge amount of money being made in that industry. He then shared his observation that these romance novels don't usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety days or so.
Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One
The other day, I was home with my sweet love when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa.
Relationship Quiz - Copasetic, Caution, or Conundrum?
This quiz is based on key areas of communication and intimacy in relationships. The easiest way to take the quiz is to print it, so that you can circle your responses and add up the results.
Who Should Relocate In A Long Distance Relationship?
My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will have to take the decision of who should move, because it is very hard to live apart.Moving will change your life drastically, you should what you and beloved really wants from life, you need to communicate, communicate and communicate until you arrive to a very clear understanding about your expectations, It is your future.
Choosing an Online Dating Service
The problem with choosing a dating service is choice -- too much of it! There are hundreds of services. To choose a dating service that's right for you, you need to be clear about what exactly you're looking for.
Relationhip Advice: 10 Magic Words
Just about every night at our house, we read a book called "Say The Magic Words Please" to our young son. The story has lots of magic words, such as "please," "thank you" and "excuse me.
Be Glad That There's Quarrel in Your Relationship
Is your love relationship smooth? Have the both of you actually quarreled before? If your answer is yes, then you should be happy and be glad that it happened. But if your answer is however a no, then you should be aware of the danger that you are facing.
How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships
"You know, I really do love fish!" My friend Steve came up with this profound comment as we were about to tuck into the gastronomic offerings before us in a crowded downtown restaurant. I raised my eyebrows.
Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters
* Be in a good mood when writing a love letter. Never try to write a love letter when you're in a bad mood, not only will it be more difficult to write but your bad vibes will make their way into the letter.
10 Clues of an Online Affair
1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line.
Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy
Question: What % of your bad moods at work are caused by conflicts?Answer: About 80% (if you're like the typical person)Think about how those conflicts wreck your work: You slip into an angry or frustrated mood and suddenly your productivity takes a nosedive.It makes sense, then, that doing your part to strengthen relationships can boost your results: Fix the conflict, feel better, get more done.
Catch A Cheating Husband the Easy Affordable Way
Many women mistakenly believe they need to hire a private investigator or buy expensive software or surveillance equipment to catch a cheating husband. Once you familiarize yourself with the signs of infidelity, all you really need are your own eyes and ears and your personal knowledge of your mate.
If You Love Me
If you love me, you will keep my commandments?In the love games we play, and in all aspects of human endeavors, maintaining positive relations with each other is a must, to live in harmony and peaceful coexistence with each other.The surest path to keeping good relations with our fellow humans is to know what their dos and don'ts are, and adhere strictly to the same.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28, 2004Two days ago, purely by accident, I found out my husband was a member of an online sex and swinger service. I unintentionally opened his e-mail, thinking the computer was logged on to my name, not his.
Are Single Black Women Too Independent?
Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves, too eager to express their opinion (and dis yours), too unwilling to listen and be submissive? Are today's black women even capable of 'following' a strong black man? For all my single brothers out there who have asked me these questions many times - this article is for you.First, let's deal with the first question - Are single black women too independent? My answer to this might surprise you - I think, in many ways, black women are too independent, but with good reason.
Gay and Lesbian Relationships
America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of the same gender. This reluctance follows a similar pattern to the hostility towards interracial relationships.
Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs
Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children. All members are interconnected.
|home | site map|