Relationship Advice: Starter Marriages
A man walking through the woods near a river hears desperate screams for help. He runs to the river to see someone struggling as the river pulls him downstream. He jumps in and pulls the person to safety.
As soon as he gets to the shore, he hears another person coming downstream, screaming for help. He jumps back in and rescues that person. Sure enough, just as he gets the second person to shore, another person comes down the river, screaming for help. He rescues that person, and another and still another. As more and more people come down river and he begins to tire, he stops jumping in and heads upriver.
When asked where he is going, he replies: "I'm going upstream to find out who is throwing these people in and stop them!"
This story came to mind after reading an article featuring a new phrase in the world of marriage and the family: So many 20- and 30-somethings are getting married and within only a few years divorced, the people who track their numbers call them "starter marriages."
I'm struggling for the right words to comment on "starter marriages." The words that keep coming to me are "no, no, wrong, no, no, hell no!"
I'm familiar with starter cars, starter homes, starter jobs. But starter marriages? What's next, starter kids? As in, these are the kids we practice parenting on, and later we raise some kids to adulthood.
It frustrates me when sociologists or some other "ologist" finds a creative label for a painful phenomenon, as if a clever name takes care of it.
The guy in the above story was doing a worthy thing, trying to help people who were drowning, just as I hope that whoever came up with the starter marriage label is trying to do a worthy thing. At some point, however, you have to go upstream and deal with what is causing the problem in the first place.
How to create a successful marriage is a crucial thing we need to learn but one rarely taught in school. So the question becomes, what do we need to know before we get married in order to have a successful marriage?
Here are some suggestions:
1) Choose well
It's often easier said than done. Love can make you blind. It can make you temporarily stupid, too. One way to choose well is to be aware of your own relationship radar - how you go about becoming attracted to certain people. If this radar is faulty, you likely will be attracted to someone who may not be good for you. In order to choose wisely, you may have to choose differently as well.
2) Pre-marital counseling
It's a great way to identify and work out some bugs early on. Whether you see a minister or therapist, you can discover areas that might be challenging for your relationship and learn skills and techniques for handling them. Believing problem areas will automatically get better after marriage is a cruel myth. Without learning methods for managing differences, they almost are guaranteed to get worse, not better.
3) Have a teachable spirit
Being teachable is a hallmark of success. Many people enter into marriage thinking they know how to do it right. I know I did. I even had a license and degree on my wall that said I was a marriage and family expert. Fortunately, I was blessed to have someone who was willing to hang around while I learned.
So, learn all you can about marriage, relationships, communication, etc.
Columnist Sydney J. Harris said "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."
Read books, go to seminars, get good coaching when and even before you need it. You also need to learn from each other. Teach each other how to be each other's own unique partner.
4) Become a good heart-tender
When we get married, we become the caretaker of someone else's heart. We can break it, ignore it, or take great care of it.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
Baltimore man told police that hatred of interracial relationships inspired fatal Times Square stabbing - Baltimore Sun
Police chiefs knew undercover officer was in relationship with activist, documents reveal - Telegraph.co.uk
Tiffany Haddish Claims She Prefers Her Blanket & Sex Toys Over Relationships With Men - HotNewHipHop
'Chicago Fire,' 'Med' & 'PD' Showrunners Tease New Characters, Relationships & Struggles - Lincoln Journal Star
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright.
What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)
Relationship Advice: Starter Marriages
A man walking through the woods near a river hears desperate screams for help. He runs to the river to see someone struggling as the river pulls him downstream.
Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up
Breaking up.The End.
Great Relationships: How to Create a Nag-Free Zone
Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that is being destroyed by nagging. I've tried to get her to stop and even begged her to stop.
Improve Relationships With Style
Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?GET TO THE POINTMaybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me.
Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating
The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner". Let's go over what is and isn't cheating:1.
Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair
Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims he loves you but can't marry you because a) his wife won't divorce him, b) his last relationship ended so painfully it nearly killed him, or c) he can't make a commitment until his kids are in college?Here's how to get unstuck:1) Understand that you have no control over the situation. You can't make a man love you the way you deserve to be loved, you can't keep him faithful, you can't force him to tell the truth.
Why We Chose The Person We Love
"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -- George Santayana"Why do I always wind up with the wrong person? I want someone who is kind, loving, reliable and open.
Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE
Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true self with, a partner who will treat you with love and respect.The subconscious social conditioning we receive to get or capture another causes us to fail and to string ourselves along, while we simultaneously hide our real selves.
Live Like You Were Dying: Help for Overcoming an Affair
In the recovery phase of my husbands last affair I was having a really difficult time letting go of the pain and offering forgiveness to my husband.I was doing a lot of work on "me", attempting to better myself so that I could get my self-worth back but none of that mattered when the triggers surfaced.
How Not to Compromise With Your Partner
Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course not - she/he/it is perfect, right?You can imagine my shock when my friend confided in me that he and his wife often fought over tiny things."You're kidding.
Are all Men Unfaithful?
"Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming, Dreamer!""We just can't commit to one person! I Loooove Women!""I can't help it! Women want me!""I almost went with this co-worker of mine years ago, and I feel some kind of regret today that I haven't done it?""Caroline, I have an active sex life with my girlfriend.
You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!
Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end.
Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours?
Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage.
How to Have an Affair - Beware!
People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They could have become disappointed with their marriage expectations which may have been too high to fulfil or they may simply want to carry on having an open relationship as they have in their past.
What is Romance and How Can You be More Romantic?
Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time, or whether you're single, learning how to romance and love can be one of the greatest skills to learn (and believe me being romantic takes a lot of skill, for both men and women!). But what exactly is romance? I mean if you don't know what romance is, then how can you ever be romantic?Being romantic is more than just a bunch of red roses and a box of chocolates, it is showing your partner that you love, respect and admire them for who they are and it is form of showing them how much they mean to you.
How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?
One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook is approaching life from an empathetic standpoint.Despite our best intentions, it is not always that we live by this ethical code that is deeply embedded in all of us.
Zodiac Love Match - Can the Stars be Right?
As a somewhat older gentleman (but still fairly good looking and somewhat romantic?) I have always enjoyed good relationships with the younger folk - Oh! The times I have been called upon over recent years to inspect and give an opinion on some poor new prospective boyfriend.Of course, it is somewhat flattering to be consulted for such advice by pretty young females.
Spice Up Your Relationship Tonight
Every relationship needs relief from the same old bedroom routine now and then. Here is a collection of tips to boost the Scoville units in your romance.
|home | site map|